It’s amazing how seamlessly I can ease back into the ways of a small town. There are  unspoken rules. Rules that you don’t even know you are following until you find yourself amongst folks who smile at you and talk to you, who engage and acknowledge you. Then, all of a sudden it’s as if you never walked with your head high, eyes glazed and forward, pretending not to see. To look but not notice, to be close but feel so far from any human contact.

I wouldn’t have been able to articulate it if I hadn’t been away for so long. I’m quite sure people just do these things without even knowing that they do them–the way we, in New York, live in tiny spaces and acclimate to being surrounded by humans without feeling claustrophobic or intimated or just completely overwhelmed all the time.

You just figure out what everyone else is doing and then you start doing it too. Sometimes with a certain amount of self-awareness (okay, I know I am supposed to wave at this person so I will do it even though I really don’t want to) and sometimes we just slowly turn into everyone else (I am not sure I can break the habit of saying New York’s “on line” for California’s “in line” when queueing up.)

So, here’s what you do if you live in small town, California:

1. Outside the city limits, on your way down the river basin, for example. Or, on a trailhead just outside of town–The rule of thumb is to wave to anyone who passes. On bicycle, on foot with the dog, with the baby, in a car, doesn’t matter. Everyone gets a wave of acknowledgment, of hello, of “we are in this together.” Everyone.

2. Once you are back within the city limits, the etiquette is–To smile and/or say hello. Maybe even a stop-and-chat, depending on the circumstances. Waving would not be appropriate within the city limits. Basically, if you’re on a dirt road, you wave. If you’re on a paved road you assume normal behavior. And, by “normal” I of course mean talk to people and pretend you know everyone even if you don’t. In small town, California everyone’s a neighbor.